i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
