I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize