i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
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