youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize
