He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
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