Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
