All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
