and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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