so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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