Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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