how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
so let's talk penis.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize