I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
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