Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Randomize
