I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
