I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Randomize
