Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
