my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
