I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
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