Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Randomize
