when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Randomize