i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
that may or may not have been my penis.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
