Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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