i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
