she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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