i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
40s are totally the cure
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Randomize
