i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
