So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
