So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
The power of my boobs compel you
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
