Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
His hands were made for my vagina.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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