I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
and eventually we just all took our pants off
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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