Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
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