yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize
