ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
