Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize
