Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
I smell stomach acid.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
