I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Randomize
