I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
