so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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