we have officially mastered the walk of shame
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Randomize