you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
