It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
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