Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
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