The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
