i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
