mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize
