Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
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