Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
