all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
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