16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
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