eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize