well I can't set my house on fire every night
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
