My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
