Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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