it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
