i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Randomize
