And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
Randomize
