you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
