his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
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