I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
