I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
