My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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