Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
