Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
