i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
