Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
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