I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
