If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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