stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize