I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Randomize
