with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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