Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
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