What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
I just had sex on a roof
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Randomize
