That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
