you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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