I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
