Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
