Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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