Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
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