Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
