you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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