This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
