There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
