margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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