yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
