I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
this boner is exhausting
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
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