direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
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