I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
