yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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