I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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