we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Randomize
