Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Randomize
