I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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