these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
