you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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