Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
