Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
