just survived the first fart of the relationship.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Randomize
