Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
