We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Randomize