We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize