So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
