Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Randomize