I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
